How to Reduce Stress When You’re Caring for Your Partner

I find it slightly ironic that I sit down to write about how to reduce stress at a time when my husband is safely resting in a specialised PTSD clinic.

A time when the main stressors of my life alongside PTSD are at their lowest.

Because I’m not dealing with a husband who’s triggered or disassociated or intoxicated. I’m not being kept up late by a husband resisting sleep because he dreads the nightmares that await. I’m not managing anxious children who can’t read their father’s moods, and who shouldn’t have to anyway.

While my husband is receiving the best of care for his PTSD, I should be rested and relaxed. But as the weeks pass by, the feelings of anxiety and imminent burn out have only increased.

 

I’ve been feeling tired and run down, yet I’m having a lot more trouble sleeping.

I find myself getting more irritable, and chide myself for the way I snap at the kids some days.

I’m struggling to concentrate on some of my tasks because my mind is overflowing with what needs to be done next.

I feel stressed on the busy days, but then even more stretched on the quiet days, overreacting to minor annoyances.

I am taking very little time for myself because my plate already feels too full.

I’m getting anxious about my husband returning home from hospital, and how we’ll fit back together as a family again.

 

These are all symptoms of caregiver stress.

 

And these signs can present anytime, even during those times when your partner may be relatively well or temporarily away for care.

 

 

My problem is not only that I’m trying to wear too many hats, but that I’m also setting myself unrealistic expectations.

Clearly, I can’t do it all. And, in truth, no one expects me to.

So what can I do? How can I get everything done? And how do I reduce my stress?

Because if I’m feeling like this now, I can only imagine it might get worse once my husband is back.

 

I will ask for help

 

Which is actually a really hard thing for me to do. I’m a very independent person and like to challenge myself to achieve. But asking for help doesn’t mean I’ve failed, and asking for help doesn’t make me a burden either.

My family and friends love to be able to help out, but don’t always know how. So I need to decide what things will help me the most. And I need to trust that my family and friends are helping me out of love, not obligation.

 

I will focus on the things in my control

 

The first thing I’ll do is to separate my ridiculously long “to do” list into a MUST DO list and a MIGHT DO list. Obviously some tasks will be necessary on a particular day, but the rest can wait patiently to the side until I can reasonably fit them in.

I need to stop worrying about what might happen tomorrow or next week, and instead focus on what is happening in this moment, on this day.

I can’t predict how things will pan out once my husband returns home, and neither can I control them. So I need to focus on what is, rather than what if.

 

I will dedicate time each day for self-care

 

It might only be five or ten minutes during my busiest days, or I might find the opportunity to take an hour or two the next day. But what I need to remember is to allow that time for self-care.

Self-care is not selfish. Without first taking care of myself, I will not be able to be the parent I want to be or the partner I want to be.

In just five or ten minutes, I could sit down and drink a hot cup of tea or listen to a guided mindfulness track. Or I could soak up some sunshine outside while listening to a couple of my favourite songs.

With some more time, I could catch up with a good friend, or switch off all my devices and go for a walk on my own. I could read a few chapters of my book, have a soak in the bath, or watch an episode of my favourite tv show.

 

With a new focus on these three areas, my anxiety and stress have begun to reduce already.

I’m feeling calmer and more optimistic.

By setting up a more realistic life balance, I will not only cruise through this chapter of our journey, but I will be much better prepared for the next one to come.

 

THIS LIFE: Caregiver stress and burnout is inevitable unless you learn to properly care for yourself first.
THIS MOMENT: Remember that you deserve the love you keep giving everyone else. Stop in this moment and do one thing that will make your soul happy and calm.
THIS WORD: Self-care

 

 

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