PTSD Parenting: How to Manage PTSD in Families

Parenting is tough. Even without any additional stressors, parenting can push us to the brink. Which is why PTSD parenting is a challenge for families that can seem almost insurmountable.

Unfortunately, parenting with PTSD doesn’t come with any how-to guides, and I’ve never seen a chapter in any parenting book about managing mental health illnesses as a parent.

But this issue is affecting countless families around the world.

And yet our front doors are all firmly shut. We’re still very much ashamed of what our home life can become at times.

We might become very competent at dodging curly questions from our friends, our co-workers, and our extended family. But our children still live behind the same doors as us. And they bear witness to the same storms of PTSD that we do.

So what are our children asking us?

And what are we telling them?

How can we best manage the challenges of PTSD parenting?

 

 

Children are, by nature, very curious. About absolutely everything.

And if they’re not asking you the questions then don’t assume that they don’t have any questions. Because you can be sure that they’re asking someone else or making their own assumptions instead.

But it’s vital that they’re getting the right information.

The worst thing you can do is to let them dwell on these questions and come to their own conclusions. Because, nine times out of ten, they’ll assume that the things happening at home are their fault…

Children are the centre of their own universe. So if something bad happens and there’s no simple explanation, then they’ll most often believe it was because of something they’ve done. Or not done.

So what can you do?

Simple.

Answer their questions! Every single one!

Nothing, but nothing, should be taboo.

And if something is happening at home, such as a PTSD episode, and you’re not getting questions from your child afterwards, then make sure you open up the conversation yourself!

Even most 2-year-olds are capable of understanding feelings, and they’re old enough to begin learning that grown-ups have to deal with tough feelings too.

In fact, dealing with a parent who has PTSD is a great opportunity for children to learn the importance of taking care of our mental health at any age and also to start discussions about acceptance of mental health issues.

Books can be helpful too. They are great conversation-starters and they also help by providing appropriate language for these difficult topics.

PTSD books are also particularly valuable for older children and adolescents, who may prefer to read up about PTSD on their own first before choosing to come to you with the questions they’re still struggling with.

 

 

So if you’re facing the challenge of PTSD parenting, keep the conversations open and do your best to keep them age-appropriate.

And, above all, make sure that your child knows unequivocally that they are in no way whatsoever to blame for their parent’s PTSD symptoms or triggers.

Need more help?

Here is a conversation I had with my daughter when she was seven, after my husband swept through the house one evening with a bad PTSD episode.

Perhaps it’ll give you some more ideas about how to put the tough answers into the right words for your child.

I’ve also put together a collection of books about PTSD designed to help children understand their parent’s PTSD and their feelings that arise from it.

 

 

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PTSD parenting can be challenging at best. If you have any questions or comments about managing PTSD in families, please share them in the box below.

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